The Best Birthday Ever
by CoffeeFangirl196
Summary: Craig wants to give Tweek the best birthday he's ever had. But Craig is short on money, so he gets a new part time job at Tweek Bros. Sorry my summary sucked .
1. Chapter 1

AUTHOUR'S NOTE: This is the first fan-fiction that I've ever wrote. I'll try to write more Creek fanfics, Kyman fanfics, and maybe Dip. Thank you for taking the time to read my Author's Note and my fan fiction. I wrote this using a note pad and Grammarly. I'll try to update asap. So without further ado..

Tweek and I have been together for about four years now. We've been together since we were ten because the Asian girls at school started drawing yaoi of us together. At first, I was appalled to the idea of Tweek and I having a relationship. Then, something clicked. It's like we were meant to be like fate brought us together.

I also used to think that he was just my best friend and nothing else. Although after spending almost four years together, I have zero doubts that he's my soulmate, my one true love, my better half. I know a lot of people think he's a spaz. But then again, a lot of people think I'm an asshole. I do admit they're not completely wrong about that part.

Anyway, Tweek's birthday is on September 27th. I want to get him something really special. All the other gifts I got him for his birthday, or for our anniversary sucked.

I remember one year I got him a glittery green shirt for his birthday. Unbeknownst to me, he had an irrational phobia of glitter. After getting a few pieces of glitter in his eye off of his parents' Halloween decorations, he was scared to touch anything that had the tiniest speck of glitter on it. Needless to say, his new shirt was out of the question.

I also remember the time when I got him a fidget spinner. It was a lame attempt to calm him down when the president was tweeting a bunch of bullshit. He must love that damn thing because he still has it. I honestly can't believe he kept up with it after all these years. I really want to get him something that he will love and cherish even more than that stupid ass thing.

He carries it with him everywhere he goes, and he fidgets with it when he gets bored or anxious which is quite often. He's pissed the teacher off more than once by accidentally dropping the goddamn thing, or fidgeting with it the whole class time. Usually, he'll even fidget with it during lunch and recess. I'm really glad that I got him something that he adores to this extent, but I want to get him something better this year.

I've been doing everything I can to earn money for Tweek's birthday. I've been saving up since mid-June, and now it's August. Despite all of my efforts, I have only made $52.19 so far. It's nowhere near enough.

I don't have much of a choice but to find a job somewhere. I've been doing twice as many chores, managed to up my allowance, and stopped spending money unless I have to. I still need to buy Stripe's food and bedding though. Hell, half of the time I don't even eat lunch. I just fill up on way too much breakfast. So half of the day I'm a sluggish mess from too much food, and the other half I'm a sluggish mess from being too hungry.

...

At lunch, I chose my usual table with Clyde, Token, Bebe, and of course, Tweek. I picked the seat next to my boyfriend who hadn't even touched his lunch, but his coffee was halfway gone. No surprise there. He also had that stupid ass fidget spinner. Definitely no surprise there. Deep down, I despised that damn thing. Although I guess as long as it calms him down, I can live with it.

Bebe, Clyde, and Token were sitting on the other side of the table. I looked over at Tweek and smiled, and he looked up from his fidget spinner and smiled back. He looks like an angel when he smiles, I really wish he would do it more often. I reached over and I put my arm around his shoulder. He layed his head on my shoulder and put his arm around my back, keeping one hand on his fidget spinner. Everyone at the table mocked and teased us, but it's worth all the ridicule to be so close to Tweek.

After all the teasing died down, Clyde and Token were engaged in mindless chatter about football. I don't give two shits about football, or any other sport for that matter. Bebe sat her lunch aside to fix her makeup after accidentally smearing her lipstick.

I've been planning on asking Tweek if I could get a part-time job at his and his parents' cafe for a while. I needed to ask casually, or he would know that something's up. He is an overthinker after all. My excuse for asking would be that I wanted to buy another hamster to be Stripe's companion. I needed to do that anyway, but I was too busy buying Stripes's food and sawdust for his cage.

Over the years, I have had four Stripes. One of them ran away when I was ten. Tweek had gotten me Stripe Two shortly after Stripe One's disappearance to make me feel better, but I gave Stripe Two chocolate. I'm sure you can connect the dots.

My mom got me Stripe Three for Christmas. One day, Tweek and I were playing outside of his house with our new hamster friend. Then, he ran under a car. Tweek cried and mourned for a week afterward, and he had a panic attack when it happened. I had to scrape his mangled remains off of the road, so Tweek and I could hold a makeshift funeral for him. I didn't have the heart to tell my mom that he got ran over, so I just told her that he ran away. He's still buried in Tweek's backyard with a rock for his headstone.

"I need more money, and owning a coffee shop must be a lot of work for you and your parents. I'd love to work there if your dad could give me a part-time job. I would be happy to earn a couple of dollars an hour." I said as I smiled at the tired blonde on my shoulder. I was trying to be straightforward (as usual).

" I-I'm sure that my parents would appreciate the help. I heard them talking about w-wanting to hire someone, and we'd get to spend more t-time together." Tweek said as he looked up at me. I hadn't thought of it before, but if I do get a job at Tweek Bros. Tweek and I will be spending a lot more time together.

I'm sure that Tweek must be lonely at the cafe. The only people there are him, his parents, and the occasional customer. None of his friends ever visit him at his house or at his cafe. Not that he has that many friends anyway.

"We could swing by your coffee shop after school and see if I can't get a job there today." I gripped my arm tighter around him as I spoke. Tweek's parents have always liked me, and have been very supportive of our relationship. I wish that I could say the same thing about my dad. He has learned to accept us more, but he always gives us dirty looks when Tweek comes over, or when I talk about him. My mom is supportive of our relationship and tries to make Tweek feel as welcome as possible.

My little sister, Red, thinks we're the least dysfunctional couple in all of South Park, and she's one of Tweek's few friends. She goes to South Park Elementary, and we go to South Park Junior High so we don't see her that much unless we're at home. She is part of the cheer leading squad, has chess club, is learning Spanish and Japanese, and she takes art classes. She's obviously the brains of our family.

"S-sure!" he pulled away to take another sip of coffee. "I really hope you g-get hired! I can't wait to spend more time together!" His typical nervous look was replaced by a bright smile and glowing eyes. It's surprising to see him so happy. He's usually a nervous wreck and all the coffee he drinks doesn't help him.


	2. Chapter 2

AUTHOR'S NOTES: This chapter turned out better and a lot longer than I expected. I'm having a lot of fun writing it so far! I had to research different coffee drinks and a little bit about guinea pigs. Best research ever! Although, my power blinked and I lost all of my guinea pig research. :( This was also a **pain in the ass **to upload because my right key tore up on my laptop and ctrl + c + v won't work on my freaking Grammarly account. I hope you guys like chapter two!

The rest of the day carried on normally. Tweek dropped his goddamn fidget spinner and almost gave the whole class a heart attack, then our ela teacher got pissed off and threw a hissy fit. I almost got in trouble for flipping off Mr. Lama, the history teacher. Fortunately, he had his back turned and no one narked on me.

Later, I asked Clyde if he wanted to go to Tweek Bros. with me and Tweek but he was going on another date with Rebbeca, the homeschooled kid. She started coming to South Park Elementry after she won the statewide spelling bee. For a few years after that, she was on a downward spiral. It started off innocent, selling kisses, going on too many dates with boys, and wearing low cut clothes. Then, she started smoking, prostituting, drinking, doing drugs, the list goes on.

Eventually, her parents found out and she got sent to rehab. She stayed there for around half a year and she came back to junior high school in March of this year. After a few months, Clyde and Rebbeca started dating. He helps to make sure she stays sober and she puts up with his whining. I can't believe she hasn't started doing drugs again because she has to listen to Clyde all of the time.

When the school bell rang, Tweek and I were some of the first kids out the door. We're usually some of the last but I guess we're pretty psyched up today. The whole walk to Tweek Bros. was filled with Tweek happily chattering about how fun it will be to work with me, and about how much fun it will be. I don't think I've ever seen him this happy.

I realized we were almost there when we were walking past the City Wok, so I pulled Tweek and myself away behind their alley. I got a pack of cigarettes and a lighter out of my pocket. I removed one of them and flicked my lighter to light my cigarette. I really needed a smoke!

I took a drag and I glanced over at Tweek. He didn't look happy anymore, he looked pissed. He had his hands on his hips and was looking at me with a look he only had when he wanted to knock someone's teeth in. Like the look he gave Clyde when he accidentally broke his favorite thermos.

I took another drag "Tweek, don't be angry, I've been trying to quit, really. I'm down to five a day."

"G-goddamnit, Craig! You told me you were going to quit a month ago!" He was really getting pissed off now.

"I have been quitting! I used to smoke a pack a day, and now I'm down to five. Please don't be mad, Tweek. Remember how happy you were just a second ago?"

He turned his back to me, crossed his arms, and sighed. "Put t-that shit out."

I took one more hit before I put it out on the wall beside me. "There, are you happy now?" He uncrossed his arms and turned around to face me.

"J-just hurry up. We're almost there." He started to speed walk away and he was already out of the alley before I had the chance to put everything back in my pockets. Note to self: never smoke in front of Tweek again. This time he had my ass over it, next time he'll have my head.

I had to run just to catch up with him. He still looked pissed, but I think he's calmed down considerably. We walked the rest of the way in silence. I suddenly realized how humid and hot it is outside, and how long it takes to get to Tweek Bros. from the school. I guess your mind really does wonder in silence.

After what felt like a thousand years, which had actually just been a couple of minutes, we finally reached our destination. I opened the door and held it for Tweek. He didn't flash me his typical weak smile. He's probably still pissed off about the cigarette thing.

Mr. Tweak was behind the counter writing something down and Mrs. Tweak was next to the counter sweeping. She was probably sweeping up all of the discarded coffee grounds and beans that have accidentally been dropped on the floor. Not to mention all of the crumbs from Tweek's baking.

"Would you boys like some coffee? I just made a couple pots." Mrs. Tweak chimed in looking up from where she had been sweeping. They always have to make more than one pot, because they drink it so goddamn fast. I swear Tweek and his family drink coffee like a freaking horse!

"Y-yeah! It's been a long time since I've had any!" Tweek's face instantly brightened up. It had only been about an hour since he drunk a cup, but whatever. Sometimes I think I need to send him to rehab for his coffee addiction. Oh well, maybe it'll make him forget about the cigarette ordeal.

"Take a seat, boys." Mr. Tweak pointed at two chairs behind the counter next to where he was sitting. Tweek and I took a seat next to him. I glanced over at what he was writing and I think it was a menu or something. "Cortado", "Pour-Over Coffee", and what the hell's a "Macchiato"!?

If I do get a job here, I have my work cut out for me. I barely know what espresso is, and the only reason I know that is because of Tweek. It's like he's writing in some foreign language.

Mrs. Tweak entered back in the room with four cups on a silver tray. She took one cup off of the tray and handed the remaining cups to Tweek's dad. He placed one in front of himself and gave me the tray containing the other two cups. I handed Tweek his cup and set mine down in front of me.

Mrs. Tweak sat beside her husband and took a sip of coffee and most of Tweek's coffee was almost gone by that time. Their family is in love with goddamn coffee.

"H-hey dad, do you remember when you said that you were looking f-for someone to hire?" Tweek looked a little calmer than usual, which is strange considering that he's asking his dad to give his boyfriend a job. Ok, that sounded better in my head but still.

"Yes, why?" Mr. Tweak stopped writing and took a sip of his coffee.

"Uh- Craig wants to get a j-job so I told him that he should work here." Tweek looked like he was getting more nervous while he spoke.

"Of course he can work here. He can put in two or three hours a day, and we can pay him six dollars an hour." He turned to me "I'm sorry, Craig, I would pay you more but we haven't been getting much business lately. I do think it's great that you want to work. I don't see many people your age wanting a job."

"When can I start?"

"You can start tomorrow or the day after tomorrow. I'll go over everything with you today."

"Go over everything? What do you mean?" I don't have a clue about this stuff. Maybe I'm not cut out to be a barista or whatever you call them.

"We need to talk about your work schedule, how to make all of the drinks, what roasts to use, what ground size to use, and about how Tweek Bros. coffee comes from local suppliers. And about how it's the freshest coffee on the market. A lot of people say it has a "raw sewage" taste, but they just haven't learned to appreciate fresh coffee."

Tweek rolled his eyes. Just think, he has to deal with this shit 24/7. "I can show Craig how t-to make all of the drinks."

"That sounds like a great idea." Mrs. Tweak finally voiced her opinion. "Your father and I will work on the menu."

...

Several hours later, Tweek was still showing me how to make espresso. So far, I knew how to make drip coffee and pour over coffee, but I managed to burn myself, almost burn Tweek, spill coffee grounds all over the place, drop a cup of coffee, and just make a mess in general.

"O-ok, so how do you make a latte?" Tweek was testing my knowledge. He wanted to see if I had been paying attention.

"Um..." I was trying to remember what he said before I almost dropped a cup of coffee on him earlier. "I know it has espresso in it."

"And?" He gestured for me to continue.

"Uh... and...water?"

He touched his forehead with his hand "No Craig, that's a Long Black. Lattes are made with espresso and steamed milk, and they have a v-very thin foam on top. Long Blacks are made with a double shot of e-espresso and water."

Damn, it seemed like he had rehearsed this shit every day for years. Oh, wait, he had. "Sorry, I don't have your supersonic memory." I sounded genuine and I flashed him a sweet smile. I would either ease some of his frustration or I'd piss him off even more. He's easily agitated anyways.

Tweek was just about to say something when Mrs. Tweak poked her head through the door "Craig, it's getting late. You'd better go home before your parents get worried."

I grabbed Tweek's wrist and looked at his watch. Oh, shit! Six thirty already?! My parents were going to be so pissed!

"Sorry, Tweek, I have to get home." I quickly kissed him on the cheek and rushed out of the cafe. "Bye, Mrs. Tweak! Bye, Mr. Tweak! Thanks for hiring me!" I ran out of there like a bat out of hell, because I had a feeling I was going to be in hell if I didn't get home soon.

I ran home as fast as I could in the remaining sunlight. My house was about thirty minutes from Tweek's house, so I arrived home at nearly seven. I was sweating, out of breath, and my face was red.

My mom stepped into the kitchen. "Where have you been, young man?! I was worried sick and dinner has been done for ten minutes!" I was right, she is pissed.

"Sorry I-" I was trying to speak between breaths. "I was over - at Tweek's."

"You were supposed to be back by six!"

I had regained most of my breath, at least enough to argue. "Why does Red get to come home at eight?! I'd bet she's not even here, is she?"

"Red is part of the chess club, is learning two new languages, and she has cheerleading! She's not over at her boyfriend's house!" Goddamnit. I hate to admit it but mom has a point, that doesn't mean I'm going to back down from an argument though. I guess I get my stubbornness from my dad.

"The only reason she's learning Japanese is so she can watch anime and talk to those Japanese girls about yaoi!"

"I didn't hear you complaining about yaoi when you and Tweek became a couple, now did I!?" I hate it when she's right.

...

My mom was going to send me to my room without my dinner but my dad said it was too harsh, and that I was only an hour late. Although, after I ate dinner I had to "march straight to bed".

I had to change Stripe's bedding and feed him after dinner. As soon as he saw he came running over to the side of his cage that was closest to me, making little noises. No matter how bad of a day I've had, there are two things that always make me happy. Stripe and Tweek, when he's not being a moody ass grouch.

I picked him up and held him for a while before I put him in a box so I could change his bedding. He is the messiest goddamn guinea pig that I've had so far. He gets his hay, food pellets, crap, and god knows what else all over the place. He's a mess to clean up after but I love him anyway, kind of like how Tweek is a mess in general but I love him anyway.

After about thirty minutes I got his cage and around cage clean, held him for a little while longer, fed him, and watered him. I also had to give him a drop of vitamin C every day, because guinea pigs can't produce their own vitamin C. If you don't give them any vitamin C in a tablet or drop form, they'll get sick.

Stripe is too picky to eat the tablets so I have to sneak some of the drops in his food. Sometimes he won't even eat that, even if it's on his favorite food! Lately, I've been feeding to him in Kale. He eats it most of the time, but sometimes he's a pain in the ass about taking his vitamins.

After I got ready for bed I told my parents and my sister, who had just gotten home nearly an hour late might I add, goodnight. I went into my room and locked the door. Even though I'm tired as hell I'm not going to bed right now. It's only nine o'clock. Who goes to bed at nine?!

I turned my light off and I got my laptop, the laptop charger, and my earbuds. I plugged my charger in the wall outlet beside my bed and plugged the other end in my laptop. I put my earbuds in the laptop and buried it and myself under the covers.

Tweek taught me how to do this a few years ago when we were having a slumber party at his house. Now, I call staying up late with an electronic device under the covers to block the light "pulling a Tweek".

I checked my email to see if he messaged me. He usually did as soon as he got in bed. His family go to bed at eleven so I still had a while to wait. I watched Youtube and scrolled through my social media while I waited for him to message me.

...

Before I knew it, a notification popped up on my laptop saying that I got an email from Tweek.

"Hey, are you awake?" I don't see how he types on his goddamn tablet.

"Yeah. How do you feel?" It was a lame reply but it was all I could think of. My brain was fried.

"Pretty good. How do you feel?"

"I'm tired as hell. Making coffee is a lot harder than I thought it would be."

"I'm tired as hell. Making coffee is a lot harder than I thought it would be."

"It would've been a lot easier if you stopped spilling it everywhere. You almost burnt me, man!"

"Sorry about that. I was just trying to put milk in it!"

"It was steamed milk, not milk."

What's steamed milk? "There's no difference. They're both milk."

"They're both milk but there is a difference. Steamed milk is made frothy when it's exposed to high powered steam from an espresso machine. You can also make steamed milk by putting milk in a jar and shaking it up in a jar for 30-60 seconds."

"Uh ... ok"

"Steamed milk is used in lattes, cappuccinos, mochas, flat whites, macchiatos, cortados, etc. The steamed milk gives them a different flavor and consistency than regular milk would."

"Damn. You're a better barista than your parents."

"Who do you think taught me all of this? Although, I am a better baker than my parents. "

"You're a way better barista than I am."

"Maybe I can teach you what I know. I'm better at baking than making coffee anyhow"

...

I had to wake up at six, so at four I told him I was going to bed. I wanted to get a couple hours of sleep. "I have to be up at six so I'm going to bed. Goodnight, Tweek."

"Goodnight, Craig. I love you."

"I love you too. Your crazy ass better get some sleep. An hour may not be much but it's better than nothing. Remember, you taught me that."

"At least I taught you something."

"You're a jackass."

"You taught me that."

I was too tired to reply so I just turned my laptop off and put it on my nightstand. I was so fucking exhausted. Why didn't I go to sleep two hours ago when Tweek said that I'd better get some sleep? I never listen. God, I have one long ass day ahead of me. When my head hit the pillow I fell asleep almost instantaneously.


	3. Chapter 3

AUTHORS NOTE: I'm a lazy piece of shit who starts things and never finishes them XD I'm going to at least try to finish this? Idk... And I wanted to thank LivingOnLaughs, impossibuddy, and FarmGirl98 for the reviews ❤

I had already managed to get shampoo in my eyes, put my clothes on backward, fall down the stairs, almost drop Stripe, lose my hat, and get maple syrup all over my shirt. Goddamnit, today has been hell and I'm not even at school yet!

I stood outside my house with Red and waited for the bus. She usually got picked up a little later than I did.

"You look like crap. You need to stop texting your boyfriend all night long!" Red nudged me with her elbow.

She had found out me and Tweek's little secret one night when she was seven. At the time, she was afraid of rain and It was storming outside. She tried to climb in bed with me and when she lifted the blankets, she saw me with my laptop.

I had a lot of explaining to do that night and a lot of chores to do after that. She blackmailed me for a month. After that night, I made damn sure to always lock my door at when I go to bed. I do admit that blackmailing me was kind of smart and I would have probably done the same thing if I were her.

"I wasn't texting my boyfriend, I was emailing him, there's a difference." Oh god, I was starting to sound like Tweek! He must be rubbing off on me...

"Whatever. And why was mom so pissed off when I came home? What did you do to her?"

"I came home an hour late."

"I'd bet you were at Tweek's house. Weren't you?"

I know there's no use lying because she'd just ask him later. "Yeah."

"You're obsessed with him."

"What? You're just jealous." She gave me a smug smile. "Sure I am."

I looked away and pouted for a few minutes. Today has been shit anyway, I don't feel like joking. Everyone always says I'm too serious and that gets amplified when I don't get much sleep.

We finally started talking again after I was done whining. We talked about Stripe, her friends, and school until the bus came.

I waved her goodbye. "See you after school, Red."

She waved back "Bye, Craig, don't piss mom off again!" This conversation couldn't end on a positive note, could it?

I got on the bus and walked past the sea of chattering students to the very back where Tweek and I always sat. When I got to our seat, he moved his backpack that he always sat in my seat to keep my place. I get on the bus later than he does because my house is farther away from the school.

"Rough night, huh?" I asked when I realized that he was in his pajamas and he was holding a big ass thermos, of what I assume, is full of coffee. "Yeah. I fell asleep at six and I barely had time to catch the bus at e-eight."

"I should've just stayed awake last night. I feel terrible."

He took a sip of coffee and handed me the cup. "Here, it always makes me feel better." I smiled and took the cup from his hand. I looked at it for a moment. I was suspicious that it would be some sweet concoction, like a mocha with double steamed milk, whipped cream, and cinnamon. I'm not even sure if that existed but if it did, I'm sure his dumbass would drink it

"It's ok, Iguess. It just tastes kind of... off."

He took another sip." My parents made their "s-signature blend" this morning. It tastes like crap but I put a little milk in it to drown out some of its flavor."

"Yeah," I chuckled, "It still tastes terrible though." 

"I know! This is why they have a reputation for having coffee that tastes like raw sewage!" 

I smiled at him. He's so passionate about coffee and it's funny as hell watching him get pissed off about it.

A few seconds of silence went by, and he started digging through his backpack. "What flavors do you like? Pink l-lemonade, blueberry, mango, strawberry, grape, or fruit punch?"

"Uh... pink lemonade and blueberry?" I have no idea what he's doing.

He pulled out a few energy shots and energy pills, then handed them to me. ''I would only drink one of the low c-caffeinated energy shots today and I wouldn't take any of the pills. You're not used to caffeine." 

I opened an energy shot and got two of the pills. "I'm desperate. Besides, I've been drinking coffee off and on for a few years.''

He was trying to talk me out of it. "You've barely drunk energy shots and you've never taken an-"

"Don't worry, I won't die!"

"How do you know!?"

"People have died from taking too much of that shit before!'

I didn't want to stress him out. "Ok, I'll only take one."

He stared at me while I drunk the shot and I took the pill and sighed. I don't think he's happy...

I tried to change the subject. "This crap is supposed to be blueberry?"

"Yeah. It tastes f-fermented but it has a lot of caffeine."

"I've drunk wine that tastes better than that!"

He laughed, "Have you been stealing your parents' alcohol again?

"Not lately." 

We talked for a couple more minutes before our conversation was ended by the bus coming to a stop.

I've got a feeling that today is going to be hell.


	4. Chapter 4

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This chapter is kinda different from my other chapters but I tried. It also has more serious drama, violence, and the use of a strong term (I censored it though). This chapter was also supposed to be longer but I got lazy...

We were walking behind a lot of other students in the hallway. Clyde and Token were debating whether Football or Baseball is better, Bebe was on her phone, and Tweek was digging through his pockets trying to find Tylenol. I was so tired I could hardly walk. Damnit, I knew I shouldn't have listened to Tweek and took another energy pill!

Despite all the chatter, I managed to hear two familiar voices coming up behind us. Oh god, it sounds like Cartman and Heidi.

Heidi said, "It's not like you ever spend time with me anymore!" I've heard them argue waaayy more than once, but she sounded more upset than usual.

"Oh yeah, like I'm such a bad boyfriend! Maybe if you didn't constantly bitch at me I would actually want to spend time with you!"

"All I ever do is bitch?! You're one to talk! I've tried and tried to put up with your shit for years, hoping you would change but you never do! You've only got worse! I wish I'd have never met you! "

Everything fell quiet in our friend group. Clyde was looking down and tugging at the sleeves of his Football jersey, Token was digging through his backpack. Tweek took a sip of coffee from his halfway empty thermos, and Bebe started playing with her hair.

"Fuck off, Heidi! You're the biggest bitch I've ever met, and I've met Kyle's mom!"

"So fucking what?! You're mom's the biggest slut I've ever met!"

Tweek nudged me with his elbow and whispered. "I'm glad we're not like that."

I chuckled, "Yeah, me too. Could you imagine? " I tried to do my best Cartman impression, "Goddamnit, Tweek! Stop bitching at me!"

We both started snickering and Clyde looked at us like we were insane, "What if he hears you? He's pissed."

I tried my impersonation again, "Shut the hell up, Clyde!" Tweek and I started laughing even harder, it was so hard to be quiet.

"No guys, I'm serious. You don't want to get on Cartman's bad side." We were still laughing our asses off and Clyde was still staring at us.

"What's the worst he could do? Talk about us to his stuffed animals?" Tweek could barely stop laughing long enough to talk.

Clyde was about to say something but he was interrupted. "Hey! What in the hell is so fucking funny?!" We turned around to see Cartman fuming with anger. He stopped walking and his fists were at his side.

Clyde was trying to come up with an excuse, "Uh... nothing we just-"

"I wasn't talking to you, asshole!"

Heidi attempted to calm him down, "Eric, stop. It doesn't matter what they were laughing about!

"How would you if someone was laughing at you?!"

"Well, it's not like you would care!"

"Whatever!" He turned his attention away from Heidi, who was now walking away, and back to us. "What were you f*ggots laughing about!?"

"Hey!" Tweek stepped forward, "Don't fucking call us that, you fat bastard!" I put my hand on my forehead and Clyde put his hand on Tweek's shoulder. The bell for class rang. Great, so not only are we going to fucking argue, we're going to be late too!

"Come on, Tweek, we're going to be late for class," Clyde said, trying to pull him back.

Cartman laughed, "You'd better listen to your other boyfriend!" Some people started to stop in the halls and started to watch us.

Tweek pushed Clyde's hand away and stepped closer to Cartman, "You'd better shut the fuck up!" Goddamit, Tweek. Today of all days, you have to start shit with Cartman.

"Or else what? What are you going to do? Fucking cry about it?!"

I grabbed Tweek's free hand, "Come on, we don't have-"

"I'll kick your ass!" Tweek was really getting pissed now. Usually, he wouldn't hurt a fly, but when he's upset he's batshit crazy.

Cartman burst out laughing and Tweek tried to lunge toward him. I grabbed his arms to stop him from beating the living hell out of Cartman. Clyde was in the background talking about how Cartman was just an asshole, Token and Bebe had already left. A few nosey ass people were chanting "Fight! Fight! Fight!"

"Goddamnit, Tweek! Calm the hell down!" It was getting more difficult to hold onto him.

Cartman started laughing harder and said, "Aaaw! How sweet you guys! The asshole is trying to comfort the retard!"

Tweek started squirming more and shouted, "That's it, you mother fucker!" He managed to break his arm free of my grip. He threw his thermos and hit Cartman square between the eyes.

Cartman fell down crying and swearing at us. Blood was pouring from his head and Tweek hit him so hard it cracked his thermos. People were cheering and shouting. Clyde put his hands over his mouth and backed away.

Tweek looked back at me. I flashed him with a dirty look, let go of him, and started walking away.

Tweek picked up his leaking, bloody thermos and started following me. We were silently walking. Tweek was pulling at his hair and kept looking at me and down at his thermos.

He eventually broke the silence, "Are you mad at me?"

"I told you not to start shit with Cartman!"

"I can't help it! He called us -"

"I don't care what he called us!" I stopped walking and put my hands on his shoulders, "Listen, Tweek, you could get expelled for assaulting him. Then we'll have to go to different schools! Remember last time?"

"And he can get in trouble for calling us a slur."

"You'll get in more trouble for assaulting him than he will for calling us a slur. The next time he does it don't throw a fucking thermos at him, tell a teacher!"

"They won't do anything, they never do anything! I mean, come on! They 've-"

A voice came on the school speakers, "Eric Cartman and Tweek Tweak, report to the principle's office immediately. I repeat, Eric Cartman and Tweek Tweak, report to the principle's office immediately."

Tweek backed away and sighed "Oh, shit! Sorry, Craig, I have to go."

I gave him a small smile, "Bye, Tweek."

Tweek started walking away and chucked his thermos in the nearest garbage can. I watched him for a second before I decided to go to class so I wouldn't be counted absent for the whole period. Goddamnit, Tweek, you'd better not get expelled over that fat sack of crap.


End file.
